Yellow Mug? Red Sweater!

Yes, exclamation marks are required for this photo. 

Here’s why this photo is unrealistic:  It fails the ‘Spy Movie Test’; if it wouldn’t work in spy movies, it wouldn’t work in stock photography..  NO spy has ever uttered “Yellow mug?” only to have the secret spy contact person utter back “Red Sweater!”.   007 would never have uttered that in a street-side cafe in Belarus-I know that, YOU know that-and neither of us even knows where Belarus IS!

The only thing that’s going to help THIS absurd stock photo of a woman drinking coffee is a hunky lifeguard-cuz she’s drowning in that sweater.  Glub glub.

Crapometer:  Moderate




Two-hand mug hold ++ and textured sweater.


If there was a training manual for bullshit recognition, this photo would be included.  The basic two-hand mug hold is obvious to even a noob spotter of bullshit, as is the over-sized warm sweater, but what’s not so obvious, what only a true veteran of bullshit spotting would notice is the one hand placed UNDER the mug, the handle of the mug facing away from the individual, and the side of the mug complete exposed to the viewer.  Some may also notice the textured sweater-serving to separate the individual from the smooth background.
Stand your ground friends, we’re all in this together! #UnrealisticPhotosOfWomenDrinkingCoffee


Business Suit Girl

This takes bullshit to levels not seen since the Bullshit Emporium at the 1860 World’s Fair-and someone actually died then & there during the circus act.
“Here I am in a business suit trying to look like I’m reading.”  Yeah, riiiight.  Suuure you are.

This photo is laced with bullshit & thus gets a rating of ‘Moderate’.  Wear a N-93 mask to filter out particulates.  You have been warned. 


Red nail polish.


No one holds a coffee mug w/two hands with an oversized sweater past their wrists!

The reason this photo is unrealistic is because:

Coffee mugs are not held with 2 hands simultaneously.
With red nail polish.
While conveniently wearing an over-sized sweater…
up over the wrists…
at a window…
looking out at snow.

This photo receives a rating of ‘Moderate’ on the Crapometer due to it not having sexual innuendos but not completely eliminating them as well. 


Here I am with a White coffee cup

'Not quite Kirstie Alley'
‘Not quite Kirstie Alley’

1.  Her left shoulder is exposed.  HER left shoulder, not the shoulder on the right.  Pay attention here people, clowns like you sent Hemingway to an early grave.
B.  L hand at 90 degrees to the wrist.  No woman has time for that.
3.  The convenient lock of hair.  “Oh, pfft!  Look at that, that pesky lock of hair again!  Ho hum!”.
4.  An absolutely perfectly white coffee cup.  No one drinks out of an absolutely perfectly white coffee cup!
5)  The L shoulder dip-which conincidentally is also, the worst appetizer Applebees sells.
5.  The combination of all the above elements

This image is laced with moderate levels of crap. Be aware!


This image gets a solid 4 on the ‘Crap-o-meter’.  We’re in moderate bullshit territory here folks, proceed with caution!


"Look at me, here I am just wandering in the snow with a coffee-cup in my mittenless hands."
“Look at me, here I am just wandering in the snow with a coffee-cup in my mittenless hands.”

This foto isn’t consistent.  This woman is not wearing hand protection.  Ya’ don’t go wandering out in the snow when it’s cold out w/o mittens, c’mon! 

The Bullshit Bandito scores this photo at a mild 2/10.  This doesn’t mean that you can relax though.  


"Thees eees Bullsheet!"
“Thees eees Bullsheet!”



Pink hat peace out girl

Yeah, right.  Sure.  Uh-huh.  This girl just happens, juuust happens to be wearing a pink unrealistic-photos-of-women-drinking-coffee-47hat and a bright yellow shirt with sunglasses on by the way, what appears to be a day with pretty much zilch as far as sun goes, and the world’s pinkest lipstick, jeans, a nearby rust colored background (I can’t think of one place I’ve ever seen just that element), and disposable coffee cup.  Separately each item is feasible.  Together-uh, no.   Also, that peace sign is not on the range of logical behaviour choices to go along w/the other elements in the photo.  This girl is far to groomed to be at this location in that shirt/sweater.  

crapometer-low-amounts  This photo is low on the Crapometer due to the lack of suggestiveness and it’s happy, bright colors.