Yellow Mug? Red Sweater! WHAT?!

Yellow Mug? Red Sweater!

Yes, exclamation marks are required for this photo!

Here’s why this photo is unrealistic:  It fails the ‘Spy Movie Test’; if it wouldn’t work in spy movies, it wouldn’t work in stock photography..  NO spy has ever uttered “Yellow mug?” only to have the secret spy contact person utter back “Red Sweater!”.   007 would never have uttered that in a street-side cafe in Belarus-I know that, YOU know that-and neither of us even knows where Belarus IS!  For all WE know, it COULD be in Indiana! 

The only thing that’s going to help THIS absurd stock photo of a woman drinking coffee is a hunky lifeguard-cuz she’s drowning in that sweater.  Glub glub.  RIP toots.

Crapometer:  Moderate




Two-hand mug hold and textured sweater.



If there was a training manual for bullshit recognition this photo would on the front cover.

The basic two-hand mug hold is obvious to even a noob spotter of bullshit-AS is the over-sized warm sweater.  But what’s not so obvious, what only a true veteran of bullshit spotting would notice is the one hand placed UNDER the mug.  Sure, the handle of the mug is facing away from the individual, sure the side of the mug is completey exposed to the viewer-but it’s the hand placed discretely under the mug that only those sharp of eye, keen of spirit, and bitter of the insides spot!  Some viewers may also notice the textured sweater-serving to separate the individual from the smooth background.

Stand your ground friends, we’re all in this together!  I will not leave you!



Business Suit Girl



This takes bullshit to levels not seen since the Bullshit Emporium pavilion at the 1860 World’s Fair in Wikieup, Arizona-and someone actually died right then & there during the circus act.  RIP Bonkers the Clown.

“Here I am in a business suit trying to look like I’m reading.”  Yeah, riiiight.  Suuure you are.  Went all out on the props too huh?!  What’d that piece of paper run the advertising department, 25 bucks?! 

This photo is laced with bullshit & thus gets a rating of ‘Moderate’.  Wear a N-93 mask to filter out particulates.  You have been warned! 



Red nail polish.

NO one holds a coffee mug w/two hands with an oversized sweater past their wrists!


Coffee mugs are not held with 2 hands simultaneously.
With red nail polish.
While conveniently wearing an over-sized sweater…
up over the wrists…
at a window…
looking out at SNOW.


This photo receives a rating of ‘Moderate’ on the Crapometer due to it having sexual innuendos. 


Here I am with a White coffee cup

'Not quite Kirstie Alley'
‘Not quite Kirstie Alley’


1.  Her left shoulder is exposed.  HER left shoulder, not the shoulder on the right.  Pay attention here people-clowns like you sent Hemingway to an early grave!
B.  L hand at 90 degrees to the wrist.  No woman has time for that.  Hell, no woman has time for a frickin’ saucer!
3.  The convenient lock of hair.  “Oh, pfft!  Look at that, that pesky lock of hair again!  Ho hum!”.  My aaaass.
4.  An absolutely perfectly white coffee cup.  No one drinks out of an absolutely perfectly white coffee cup!  They’re dinged up from whatever ankle-biter is running around the house and Mr. ‘How do ya’ load a Dishwasher?’.
5)  The L shoulder dip-which conincidentally is also the worst appetizer Applebees sells.  I know.
5.  The combination of all the above elements.  

This image gets a solid 4 on the ‘Crap-o-meter’.  We’re in moderate bullshit territory here folks, proceed with caution!


This image is laced with moderate levels of crap. Be aware!


Snow and Sunlight-and an Empty Coffee Cup?!

"Look at me, here I am just wandering in the snow with a coffee-cup in my mittenless hands."
“Look at me, here I am just wandering in the snow with a coffee-cup in my mittenless hands.”


This woman is not wearing hand protection.  Ya’ don’t go wandering out in the snow when it’s cold out w/o mittens, c’mon!   Women are wimpy AND fashionable.  What better time TO wear snuggly hand protection!  But nooo, not THIS woman.  Thus, bullshit!

The Bullshit Bandito scores this photo at a mild 2/10.  This doesn’t mean that you can relax though.  Don’t.  The Canadians did.  Look what happened to them.


"Thees eees Bullsheet!"
“Thees eees Bullsheet!”



Pink hat peace out girl



Yeah, right.  Sure.  Uh-huh.  This girl just happens, juuust happens to be wearing a pink hat and a bright yellow shirt with sunglasses on by the way, what appears to be a day with pretty much zilch as far as sun goes, and the world’s pinkest lipstick, jeans, a nearby rust colored background (I can’t think of one place I’ve ever seen just that element), and disposable coffee cup.  Separately each item is feasible.  Together-uh, NOoooOOhhh.  Also, that peace sign is not on the range of logical behaviour choices to go along w/the other elements in the photo.

This girl is far to groomed to be at this location in that shirt/sweater.

This photo is low on the Crapometer due to the lack of suggestiveness and it’s happy, bright colors.  You are free to proceed-just keep your eyes open.